I drove to Lou’s house. He was the pilot of the ship of fools. I was the new guy joining the annual fishing trip to Vermont Vermont
Despite Lou’s golf bag taking up half the cargo area. I thought we had plenty of room in the SUV. I had only one bag and a fishing pole. When we stopped at Cliffy’s, I realized I was the only one who packed light. Bob had bags of fool and alcohol. Cliffy had bags of toys. People brought numerous fishing poles. There were two bait buckets and fishing nets. We were set for an expedition. It would be an adventure. We headed north in high spirits.
On the outskirts of Albany
“What did you have to take a big dump before lunch?” Lou asked.
“I went across the street.”
“What for?”
“I went to use the ATM at the bank.”
“Cliffy, you knew about the trip for week and you are going to get cash on the way!” I exclaimed incredulously.
“I didn’t have time yesterday.”
“You had weeks.”
We arrived at the hotel in Vermont
Duda, the person we rented the boat from had the look of an ex-con. He had slicked back long hair, a goatee and tattoos on both arms. He wore a black T-shirt that stated, “Live to ride, ride to live.” He looked like he would drive a shank in your back if you brought the boat back damaged. Looks can be deceiving. Duda was a friendly person, who trusted Lou enough not to charge him a deposit on the boat.
It was evening on the lake by the time everything was squared away. The boys want to give me a tour of the lake. Black clouds were forming over the mountains on the western horizon. As we were getting on the boat an old woman, like one of the witches in Macbeth called out.
“You boys know there is a storm coming?”
“We will be alright,” the crew cried back.
We took a scenic tour of the lake, which sat in a valley surrounded by forested mountains. It is the largest lake in Vermont Sargasso Sea . The sky grew dark. We slowly made our way through the weeds to the bridge. The sky grew steadily grew darker. We crossed under the bridge as the sky lit up with lightening. We were about 15-20 minutes from the hotel. Lightening crackled in the sky and the rain began to fall. We were heading into the storm.
“You know being in an aluminum boat in the middle of the water is not the safest place to be in a lightening storm,” Cliffy stated the obvious.
“No shit,” Bob replied.
“You trying to get me killed on my first trip to the lake.”
“Let’s hurry back.”
A quarter of an hour later we arrived safely but soaking wet back at the hotel.
“You boys know there is a storm coming,” I said as we stepped on the dock.
“I need a drink,” Lou said.
“I can handle that,” Bob replied.
We returned to the room to change and have a drink.
The next morning, we arose early to go fishing. It was a calm, serene morning. Lou broke the ice, catching the first fish. Bob and I followed shortly. The boys chatted about work and people from the company. Occasionally, the conversation drifted to something I could comment on. I enjoyed relaxing on the water, unwinding after a hectic year. At 10, we went in so Lou could perform his morning bowel movement.
Lou went to play golf and we went out to try our luck with fishing. Cliffy manned the helm. We drifted around the lake. I caught another fish. We were drifting close to shore and a few owners’ docks. Cliffy tried to start the engine but could not get it to turnover.
“This is ridiculous!” Bob exclaimed.
“I can get it.”
“Didn’t you pay attention when Duda was explaining how to start it?” Bob asked me.
“No because I figured Mr. Coast Guard would be at the helm not us.” (Cliffy was considering the Coast Guard reserves.)
“What are we going to do?”
“We have an oar, we can paddle back.”
“You can’t paddle a damn pontoon boat,” I replied.
“We are stuck.”
“Listen,” I said. “We are close to shore and houses. I can walk back to the hotel and get Lou.”
“No you can’t tell Lou”
“Promise you won’t tell.”
“If it is that important, I won’t tell.”
“Thank you.”
“You guys have a problem,” a man called from shore.
“We’re fine,” Cliffy replied.
“We can’t get the boat started,” Bob told.
“Where did you rent it from?”
“Duda’s”
“I’ll give him a call.”
One of Duda’s employees came out and got us started. I was sworn to secrecy. We returned to the hotel and met Lou for cocktails. Entertainment director Cliffy brought a set of bocce balls. We played a game. As we were playing a woman stopped to watch us.
“What are you playing?” she inquired.
“Bocce,” I told her.
“It is a game we brought from the old country,” Cliffy replied.
“What are you talking about old country? Cliffy, you don’t have a drop of Italian blood in you,” I retorted.
“Well it is from the old country!”
“Lou’s and mine.”
Christian arrived as the game drew to a close. He was anxious to fish, so we went back on the lake.
Saturday morning found us on the lake fishing. At 10 we returned to the room. Lou is like clockwork. The weather grew warmer, so we took a few of Cliffy’s toys to the lake. We took the boat out to the middle of the lake. Cliffy unveiled his rocket.
“It is Zephram Cockran”
“Yes we are to launch a rocket and achieve warp speed.”
“There isn’t a hell of a lot of room to launch a rocket on this boat.”
“We’ll be fine.”
“”I’ll be safe at the helm.”
“I’ll use the wakeboard as a blast shield.”
“Someone count down.”
“10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1. Engage!”
“Holy shit!”
“Christ that rocket went 600 feet!”
“Warp speed!”
“The parachute had opened.”
“It is returning to orbit.”
“Follow it with the boat.”
“I’ll get the net,” I said as I moved to the bow.
“Cut the engine.”
“Ready the net recovery team.”
I scooped the rocket into the net.
“Mission
We headed to the Lakeside restaurant. It was beautiful day to dine on the water. After lunch, Cliffy set up his kite. We flew the kite on the way back to the hotel. The kite trailed the boat about 50 feet in the air. We put on bathing suits, except for Bob, for water activities. We set up a wake board behind the boat. Cliffy was the first to go and Lou drove the boat. Cliffy did well, hanging on with one hand. Lou was the next to go into the water and Cliffy drove the boat.
“Lou is hanging on with one hand.”
“I’ll bring him across the wake.”
“He is barely hanging on.”
“Fuck him.”
“Real nice Cliffy!”
I knew I would live in the wake since I was new. I did and survived, eventually getting to my knees. Lou fell off and we circled around to pick him up.
“You trying to kill me!”
“You’re a tough guy.”
Lou went out again. He was doing well when we saw his hand go to his waist. It took us a moment to realize he was losing his bathing suit. We saw it fly off. Cliffy was not quick to slow down. We were near the public beach.
“Do you want me to take me back toward my suit?”
“I thought we would take you toward the beach.”
“We don’t want to blind them with that white ass.”
“Just take me to my damn suit!”
“Oh ho, Lou is getting bitchy”
“Better take him.”
“Yeah, don’t scare the children.”
After we went wake boarding we went to the shallow beach area of the lake. We got out of the boat and threw the football around.
The group sat around a bed playing Monopoly. It was a very competitive game. Christian had won the two fishing contests, so we did not want him to win. Traditionally we won. The game was getting heated. Monopolies were beginning to form. I had the four railroads; Christian had Boardwalk and Park Place . A loud crack stopped the game. The thud brought our attention to Bob. The chair he was sitting in broke. There was stunned silence.
“Are you okay?”
“Are you alright?”
“I don’t know,” Bob replied.
“You’d know if you had a piece of wood up your ass,” Cliffy said.
“I love your compassion.”
“Can you get up?”
“Yeah. I am so embarrassed.”
“No need to be.”
“Let’s get rid of the chair.”
“The furniture is old.”
“You’re just a fat fuck, Bob”
“More compassion from Cliffy.”
“Let’s all have a drink.”
“What do you want?”
The game resumed. It was beginning to get rough with houses and hotels going up. A few players were getting overextended. Besides the railroads and utilities, I did not have great monopolies. Since the railroads were evenly distributed around the board, they were pulling in steady income and my monopolies did not cost that much to develop.
I was heading in to a dangerous territory, which could bankrupt some and ended up in jail. I spent a good deal of time in jail.
“Do you want to pay to get out?”
“No I am quite comfortable here.”
“Of course you are. Collecting rent without paying anything,” Christian said.
“The game hangs on the roll of the dice.”
“And Lou just had a bad one.”
“I think I am history.”
“You can join Cliffy on the loser’s bed.”
“Let me unmortgage some of the property I just acquired,” I said.
I spent more time in jail safely gathering rents. I was able to use the rents to absorb the rents I had to pay. I did not overextend myself. Bob soon succumbed. Finally Christian went bankrupt.
“I can’t believe you won with no major monopolies,” he griped.
“At least I am victorious in one contest.”
Sunday morning, we spent a few unsuccessful hours on the lake. We returned and packed up. Louis and I took the boat back, while the others drove. We arrived at the dock.
“I heard you problems,” Duda said.
“What are you talking about?” Lou asked. “No we didn’t.”
“Your boys had a problem starting the boat.”
Lou looked at me.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I was sworn to secrecy.”
“I can have fun with this on the way back.”
We drove to the restaurant for breakfast. As with most of the events, it was based on tradition. Lou had been dining therefore years.
“They have a buffet which is good.”
“I prefer quality over quantity,” Lou said.
“You know I prefer quantity,” joked Bob.
“With culinary matters, I concur with Lou”
We ordered. The three went to the buffet; our meals followed soon.
“These scrambled eggs are pathetic,” Christian whined. “I don’t think they are real. Look, Jeff’s scrambled eggs are real!”
“They may not be good but you get more.”
“I get more crap!”
“Next year I am going to order for you,” I told him.
“I don’t see why you should get different syrup.”
“It is real Vermont
“See I get the fake stuff.”
“Here have some of mine,” I said.
“I am going back for more.”
“How can you Bob?”
“I have a large space to fill.”
“I don’t know why you get the buffet Cliffy,” I said.
“I do it. It is easy for him. He doesn’t have to think.”
We paid the bill and headed south for home.
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